10 years ago today...

1/26 is a special day for me. (cindy) some years it passes me by without a second glance, but other years, like this one, i remember the significance of it and need to take time to celebrate & reflect. it was 10 years ago on this day that i, umm, how do you say...was born again/ received Christ/ Jesus came to live in my heart/ i got a NEW heart/ i began a personal relationship with God/ i was saved from death & hell and given eternal life... basically, all that to say, i was changed forever.

i was a sophomore in high school and had just returned home from a winter retreat with YOung Life, where i heard the gospel presented in a way i'd never heard before. it was Super Bowl sunday, so my family was gone somewhere. i went over to see my boyfriend at the time (who definitely was NOT into the God-thing), and come to find out that he had gotten drunk that wknd w/ some of our friends and was very proud of himself. i was disgusted. i had never been drunk and nor did i want to. still haven't to this day. so i left his house frustrated and depressed, knowing i was at a crossroads. i could either choose to stay with him & be conformed to his newfound lifestyle of drunkenness & partying, or i could choose to go with Christ and be conformed to His lifestyle of love & salvation like i had heard about just hours before.

i felt such overwhelming turmoil & tension inside of me for what felt like hours, but was probably like 30 minutes. i was in my bedroom, totally alone in the house. scared. depressed. unsure of what to do. desperate for something to happen. so i grabbed my bible i got from confirmation class 3 yrs before, covered in dust i might add, and clutched onto it for dear life, thinking it had some special power. but it didn't. it just led me to start talking to the One who wrote it. so i told God how i was feeling, and that i was scared and fearful and wanted His help, if He was really there. and I told Him i believed everything i had heard that weekend about His Son, and i wanted my life to be like His. so i asked HIm to come live inside me. and my tears of pain & confusion pretty much immediatley turned into tears of relief & joy. still to this day, i have not experienced such supernatural waves of peace & joy like i did 10 years ago on this night. it was awesome. i KNEW He was real. i knew He was inside me. and i knew the course of my life had just shifted dramatically.

i could talk & type for several more hours at least on what happened after that, but i need to go to work, and i'm not a big fan of really long posts. still, i wanted to record something b/c this day is quite frankly my real birthday, when i received eternal life. and i just wanted to share it w/ whomever actually reads our blog. i must end with words from one of my favorite Caedmon's Call songs... (Lead of Love)

looking back at the road so far, the journey's left its share of scars
mostly from leaving the narrow & straight
looking back it is clear to me, a man is more than the sum of his deeds
and how He's made good of this mess i've made, is a profound mystery
looking back i know YOu had to bring me through
all that i was so afraid of,
though i question the skies, now i see why
looking back I see the lead of Love...